Time to Kick some Breast Cancer Bootay!!

Wow, not sure where to start.  Haven't touched this blog in 2+ years, dang, a lot has changed.  Good thing is I am happier than ever and enjoying life...despite the hand I've just been dealt.  Turns out I have breast cancer as in invasive ductal carninoma.  I was diagnosed on 10/28 and started my first chemo treatment exactly two weeks later, yesterday to be exact.  Two weeks from diagnosis to my inaugural treatment, not bad.  About 6 mammograms, an MRI, ultrasound, biopsies (youch!), one 50 mile relay race, scary phone calls, xrays, IVs, multiple consultations and the list could actually go on.  So many thousands of thoughts have run through my head in the last few weeks.  I'm going to die.  I don't want to die.  Is Megan going to be ok?  Did they say treatable?  Do I get new boobs?  How much downtime am I going to need?  Who is going to manage my life while I figure this out?  How is this going to inconvenience my life?  What about my workouts?  How will the people in my life handle this news?  Is Megan going to be ok?  What about my awesome boyfriend?  What about my fam?  Etc, etc, etc. 

Every song that I would hear took on a different meaning.  OAR's Peace?  For sure.  One Republic I Lived?  Definitely.  WTF.  Pregnancy turned me into a full on weeper.  Suddenly I was tearing up more than normal.  Again, WTF.  I guess I have a lot going on so I'm going with that.  Yep.

I found a lump earlier this year but didn't think much of it.  I'd had an early, but clean mammogram less than a year before and knew that there could be many other reasons to have a lump other than cancer.  Duh.  And admittedly as time went on I noticed it started to change a little.  At that point I was like yep, I need to go in and get this checked out.  I was scared shitless but finally succumbed to the internal pressure and made the appointment.  It was actually Ryan who pushed me...he was heading to the dentist and NOT looking forward to it but still goes every 6 months.  I definitely used a dose of suck it up buttercup, face your fear and make that damn appointment.  Since I told the scheduler that I had a lump they scheduled me for a mammo, ultrasound and possible biopsy right away.  They could do all three things in a row at the same facility...pretty slick.  And turns out I needed all three and then another mammo right after the biopsy.  Yep, they jab you in the boob a few times, take a few chunks, leave a clip of metal and then send me for another mammogram.  That was Friday 10/24.  I was scheduled to run the Fall50 the next day with an awesome group of peeps.  I only ran four of the 50 miles, even though I wanted to run more, my teammates graciously picked up the slack.  I was feeling bad when Nicky reminded me that I would do the same for any of them and she was spot on with that.  It was an awesome day, took my mind off the wait.

Finally on Tuesday, I got the call.  It was my NP, Becky - who is awesome by the way.  She was definitely feeling the impact of the news when she was delivering it. I don't even remember if I called my mom or Ryan first.  They both knew I was stressed and anxiously awaiting the news.  Mom was working and carrying her phone with her every where.  She said after I told her before she went in to see each patient she had to tell herself to quit crying and take a deep breath.  And my mom doesn't cry.  Ryan left work and was sitting by me in about 30 minutes or less.  I sat on the couch with him and cried off and on for an hour, mostly on, and then we left to run a work errand and go out for lunch.  I sure did have a drink with lunch that day.  My head was spinning and I was waiting for another call to come from the breast surgeon's office.  They wanted to get me in there ASAP.  Everything was moving so quick...might have had a little something to do with the invasive term used in my diagnosis.

That Tuesday night, Meg and I came to DePere to hang out with Ryan, Taylor and Morgan.  I really just wanted to be with some of my favorite peeps!  We sure did go right to Dick's and load up on the breast cancer support gear at Dick's.  The first of what was more to come!  It helped all hanging out together, in a way took my mind off it and a kid's perspective is always welcome at a time like this.  

Fast forward to meeting with the breast surgeon the following Thursday.  She said a few times that we caught it early.  She walked through my options and said something about neo adjuvent chemo which is basically treat with chemo first and surgery second.  She wanted me to get an MRI, chest xray and blood work to see if the cancer had spread to my lungs, lymph nodes, other breast and liver.  That was another long few days to wait! The following Tuesday I had a battery of tests, she called me back end of day Wed and said everything looked good.  Finally some good news!!

Quick break in the action - the Saturday in between all this - Megan had her first few league basketball games.  I'm friends with most of the parents of the girls on the team so its always fun!  By then most of them knew of my diagnosis as did all their daughters.  I sure didn't want to keep it a secret, figured we could use all the moral support we could get.  And figured it'd be good for Megan just to have it out in the open.  So, first game that Saturday, a few minutes into the game and I notice every single one of the girls on Megan's team were wearing pink headbands and pink socks if they had them.  I took a few moments to choke back the tears before turning and asking Nicky if that was preplanned.  Turns out all the girls had talked about it at their last practice and all agreed it'd be pretty cool to wear pink.  Yes, pretty cool indeed.  Makes me almost want to tear up again just thinking about it.  

Back to the test results!  The MRI showed clear lymph nodes, but found another secondary tumor on the right side.  7mm in size, very small and on the same side that already had the tumor.  So, not horrible.  Surgeon wanted me to go get another clip placed in the tumor so that if I elected for a lumpectomy I could they could still be able to cut out that smaller section of tissue with the secondary tumor.  That would need to be done with either an ultrasound guided clip placement or an MRI guided clip placement.

So, that sums up oh about the first week after my diagnosis.  So many thoughts running through my head, mostly this is treatable, I'm gonna live even though I'm pretty scared about what the next year will bring!  Thank goodness I've spent some time in the last two years working out and just training for life, I'm gonna need that strength!  Mostly so very thankful for my family and the wonderful support system that has somehow assembled around me over the past few years.  It's been just over two weeks since diagnosis and much has changed as I've started to process.  Definitely more to come as I have the time and process my thoughts.  For now, I end with this - I am a lucky girl, breast cancer or not.