Well I was thinking there are 5 stages of grief, I guess there are 7, what do I know about it anyway? No, this is not about death, thank goodness, but processing some losses and trying to embrace change. Quite possibly I'm being over dramatic, probably, most definitely. Over the last few weeks I've had some major changes to my work environment and seriously think I am still trying to wrap my head around what's next. I keep thinking maybe I'm cycling through the stages of grief but since I didn't even really know what they were until I googled them, maybe not. I guess I'll settle on feelings, yuck. Mad, sad, glad, hurt, ashamed, afraid? Mom, Jen, remember that? OMG, I could hear it in my head as I typed it!
First shoe to fall. My manager decided it was time for him to move on to another organization. Now, this dude was, wait, is awesome, best manager I've had yet - AND I've had some great ones. I think the best thing was that I trusted him and felt like he always had my back. I feel like in this day and age that can be hard to come by. For me, that will absolutely be the hardest thing to regain with someone new. Plus he is smart, hands off and just plain "gets it." Or maybe gets me, probably some of all of that. The company he went to work for is lucky to have him and his strategic vision. I guess I'd settle this one on sad (that he left) and glad (that he found a good place to go where he can put his mad skillz to good use).
And then the other shoe fell, there SHOULD only be 2 shoes, right? So, let me preface this one a little. There were 2 people that do the same job, one covering the Eastern US and one (me) covering the Western US. Now there's 1 (yeah, me). Plus another technical person, also with mad skillz. He's awesome and still around (thank goodness) and like me, waiting to see what happens next. I could devote a whole post to his smart, schweddy self! Anyway, the job that I do is one where its really helpful to have someone to bounce ideas off of. Its the time where I think of 9 out of 10 solutions for some issue and my coworker thinks of the 10th one that I couldn't think of but ends up being the right answer. Like I knew it but didn't think of it at the time I needed it. Kinda follow? Plus she is an all around cool person AND from the U.P. How can anyone from the U.P. not be at least a little awesome? Yeah, she's more than a little awesome even though we don't still work together and talk 10 times a day. Could I type awesome anymore?
She also decided it was time for a change and made the move just a week and a half or so ago. She's doing something similar with another organization while getting to stretch herself with some new challenges. The hardest part for me is that over the last few years we've become great friends and I'm really sad not to have her so close at hand anymore. Here too, I'm glad that she had the opportunity to make a move and do something she will enjoy. Mostly I'm super thankful that I've had the chance to work side by side with her for as long as I have. Ms. Bell, your encouragement and support has and will continue to help me be my best self. THANK YOU for what you do and who you are. I am excited to see how our friendship continues to evolve from here.
Embracing change is quite the challenge for me. Well, more specifically, changes where I have no control over anything but my attitude at the outcome. Who knew? Yeah, mom, I know you did! Dad too. Chad too. Well maybe more people than I think. We are going into our busiest time of the year and I sit here wondering how in the world its all going to get done. Well, I guess I'm not wasting too much time wondering, but you know what I mean, right? Like, right now after Chad and Megan have climbed in bed, I feel definite pressure to be working even though I really just want to go watch Vampire Diaries. Yes, I do have priorities and I will be watching Vampire Diaries tonight while paging through the new People magazine with train wreck Kim K on the cover. Digression!
I like what I do, I mean really like it for the most part. Its never dull, and its continually changing (with control) which makes it challenging. I like the people that I work with. Yeah, there are still lots left, just no one that specifically does what I do. I'm glad TO have a job with great flexibility and supportive people surrounding me. Add that to actually liking my job and its a pretty cool thing. Part of me is really excited that my network is spreading out. I'm also scared at the possibilities of who might be my new manager and coworker. How will they measure up? Will I even like them? Do they have a preference for curse words? I sure as shit hope so. How much would my job suck if I didn't like my manager? Or even worse, the person I have to work beside day in and day out. Well, virtually, not physically, but still. Funny, I just realized that "will they like me" is not the first thing that comes to mind. Funny - and cool. Because hell, if they don't than its their problem. Have I mentioned that my kid is beyond cocky and self confident and I don't wonder where she gets that from. Yet again, digression!
My interim manager use to be my second line manager, well I suppose he will again as soon as he finds someone acceptable to hire. He's cool, smart and hands off which I appreciate. Although, I WAS busting his chops for a little lack of communication as this has all fallen down around us. I do realize he has his hands full too and I believe he really is trying. I've known him for a while and sort of wish I could just keep reporting to him. He might think I'm a little out there, but I sure can say what I think and he won't be THAT taken aback. He tells me he has a PLAN, but he's not sharing any details. No matter how many times I asked, even after waiting until a bunch of beer has flowed, he still wouldn't give it up. I've actually taken a break on asking and thinking much about it. Mostly because I'm too damn busy and starting to settle on the fact that I can't do anything about it anyway. I said my piece to him in that I really want someone who is fun to work with and ok with swearing. I guess I'm glad he has a plan, I'll find out what it entails soon enough.
Phew, feels good to put it all out there. The bar has been set high by my peeps that have moved on, but this eternal optimist is hoping for a positive outcome to all this change!
pja
