Sometimes I totally struggle with what to write about. There's so much going on, but never quite sure how much to share! Figured I'd share a little chemo update and what it's like. Now that I've got 3 under my belt, I've found a little consistency with what to expect. At least I think so.
First of all...I am continuously humbled by this whole experience and my huge community of friends and supporters. I wasn't sure of the right word to use to describe this feeling until I was relaying these thoughts to Nicky and she used the word humbled. She is so right!! From my workout friends and instructors at the Y, Megan's friends snap chatting me asking me how I'm feeling and rocking the power in pink gear, to my friends near and far, not to mention Ryan's and my families. Not sure if that's correct grammar or not, but whatever:). A thank you to all of you doesn't seem like enough! I'm weepy anyway, just thinking about it makes me tear up.
Second...the tumor is rapidly shrinking, it is kind of amazing. Still thankful that my cancer is treatable, even if the road to get healthy will not be the most fun I've ever had. Remember? I get to live. And perky boobs to boot.
Oh and a little appendix update - finally, finally, finally four weeks later, the pain in that upper incision is starting to go away. Woot woot. I am so looking forward to attempting to get back to working out more than once or twice a week and incorporating strength and core strength in. Damn it that I can tell that four weeks of no core strength work has taken its toll! Definitely time to get back at it. Figure I've got three to four months of some good workouts ahead of me before I have surgery and will need to take another break. Might be a while before I attempt push ups after that one! I'm hoping that I feel good enough to get back to a class at the Y after the first of the year.
I was so dreading the last two chemo treatments that I decided to treat myself to a mani or pedi on chemo day. Definitely wanted something to look forward to on those days so figured it'd be totally worth the investment! Plus its nice to have pretty nails.
So, chemo. It doesn't hurt, but leaves an icky taste in my mouth, actually makes me want to gag just thinking about it! Its so strange to me to have that much of a physical reaction to something that happened days ago. I actually had to take a break from writing and thinking about it. Anyway...so glad that I had the port put in, I've watched a few people have to get their IVs removed and put back in a different spot in the middle of their treatments and I'm glad it isn't me. The port was definitely worth the outpatient surgery even though the first few days after sucked!
I get there and first thing they do is jab a needle in the port, hurts just bit, like a shot and then take some blood for labs. Maybe jab isn't the right word, poke? They check my white blood cell count, endocrine functions and a whole host of other things. The only reason I know for sure endocrine functions is that Nancy the NP told me to lay off the alcohol after chemo #2 since my liver enzymes were a tad high. Ha! She attributed that to the post appendix surgery pain medication, which I get. But I really don't like it when someone tells me not to do something. Go figure. Oh and last time I had to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. I'm like what? For real? I guess now every time I go, I get a pregnancy test. And here I am just waiting for my ovaries to shrivel up and die! I get the labs done and meet with the nurse practitioner for a quick exam and to talk about how I'm dealing with it all. Last time I had to fill out a survey thing and one of the last questions was whether or not I am severely depressed...my sister and I laughed because they apparently only want to know if I'm severely depressed, I guess they just assume that everyone is a little depressed. Truth be told, really only the Thursday after a Tuesday chemo would I even say I was feeling down. Two days after is the worse. I'm not sure if its due to the shot I get the day after or a combination of the shot and the chemo, probably both.
Anyway, continuing on, after I meet with the NP I head out to the chemo room. Its kind of a wide open space with lots of reclining chairs and the IV tower thingies. If its like last time I wait for that darn pregnancy test to come back, negative mind you, because remember those ovaries dying (?), and then they can start the drip. I think they start with anti nausea meds, a steroid and then the tumor killing shit. Funny fact...the very first time I met with the NP before my first chemo treatment she suggested I mention to the chemo nurses that they make sure to give me the steroid drip slowly or else it would burn my butt hole. Her words. I laughed and I sure did relay that story to the nurses on the chemo floor. Anyway, after the first two bags, I wait 30 minutes and actually get two chemo drugs this time around for the first four treatments. The first one is some red shit that makes me pee red at least once after the treatment. You know it, more TMI. The second drug is I don't know what its called but it takes a half hour to drip into my veins. After that I'm done but the fun is just beginning. That whole process takes about 4 hours.
Right after chemo and for most of the day after I feel pretty good.
The next few days are not really that fun. I get pretty tired and feel
pretty nauseous. I'm in bed by 8 or 9 then next two or three nights. I
can manage it ok by taking and staying on top of the anti nausea
meds, but I just feel crummy. This past Friday I actually chaperoned a field trip for Meg. It
was 3 days after chemo and even though I was nervous about how I'd feel,
Meg really wanted me to do it so I agreed. It was actually a lot of
fun, besides the bus ride:). Felt good to be outside in the fresh air
listening to a bunch of fifth graders jabber on and on. And I got to see one of my favorite kids! Thankfully my
work schedule and the people I work with are very accommodating so if I
feel the need to take a break and grab a quick nap, I do.
The day after chemo I have to go back to the hospital and get a shot called Neulasta. Its a shot that boosts my white blood cell count since apparently chemo kills my body's ability to produce them. The shot goes into my left arm and for two days after, makes my upper body and arms from the elbows up really sore. Like a really hard workout, sore and sore to the touch. Its a bizarre feeling. I've heard lots of stories about people having bone aches, but aside from the soreness for a few days, I think I fare pretty well. The third night after chemo, when I have it on Tuesday, I am talking Thursday night, I literally get up to pee every two hours. Time to flush all those fluids out of my bod. And thankfully I have no trouble going back to sleep.
After this next chemo, I wait two weeks and then I start my weekly
treatments for 12 weeks. Supposedly these are easier to tolerate so
hopefully all goes well. These next treatments supposedly make me
sleepy as they start out the drip with some Benadryl. Can't remember
why, guess I'll hear the story again before that first treatment.
I could actually go to chemo solo, but so many of you have offered to take me so it'd be crazy to face it alone, right? One of the things I've figured out is that I don't even really need to take a bag full of stuff to do for a few hours. It's been awesome to sit and visit with whomever is taking me. I even learned something new about Rhonda when we were breaking the chemo rules and walking to the cafeteria unassisted! The nurse later told us that isn't really acceptable behavior and even though she was cool with it, other nurses might not be. My sister and my mom, was just awesome to have some undivided time just to catch up. Although I am definitely not looking forward to the next treatment, besides the fact that it is getting me healthy, I AM looking forward to hanging out with Nicky for a few hours. And getting our nails done. Again, humbled by people putting their daily lives on hold and making time to take care of me. And if any of you know me well enough, I have a hard time letting people take care of me! I am learning.
All in all, I feel like I'm faring well in the grand scheme of things. It's not always fun, but it is what I have to do to get healthy. I've been starting to think about the surgery that comes after chemo, but one thing at a time. My mom keeps reminding me, short term pain for long term gain...and she is right! Hear that mom? You are right:)! I mean, I might have told you that a time or two before already. Over the past few years, I've been very fortunate to get second, third and now fourth lease on life. How many can one girl get?!!
