So, this second round of 12 chemo treatments has been much easier to tolerate than the first four. Looking back, those first four sucked. A lot, I just didn't let myself think that as I was going through it, well maybe a little. I remember when I had just finished the third round and had one more of the hard ones to go I told myself ok so what if you feel a little nauseous for the about three of the next four weeks. At least there's one week in there where you'll feel ok! Choosing to focus on the good. And there was and still is lots of good, even better than good.
A few things to note about this round of chemo. I still get a bunch of pre-meds and it still takes a while, probably about four hours or so. One of the pre-meds I get is a nice big dose of IV Benadryl. This drug has the potential to cause allergic reactions so they give it as a precaution. At least that's what I remember them telling me. The first couple of times I was like um I'm seeing funny and feel like I'm slurring my speech. You'd think I'd have asked about that sooner, but yeah, nope, not until about the third time and the nurses were like oh that's the Benadryl. I was like I feel like I've got a good buzz going on. One of the first times I took a pretty unflattering selfie and thought hey, maybe I'll send this to my boyfriend. For real. Now as soon as I feel the buzz, I just automatically take a dorky selfie and send it on over to him. Last week there was an older lady sitting across from me, accompanying her friend, and she stopped by to say she thought it was cute I was taking selfies in the cancer chair. Can you say dork?! Me, not the friendly lady.
One of the other pre-meds they give me is a steroid - I guess when it accompanies the anti nausea meds it makes those more effective and also helps with any allergic reaction. A few weeks ago when I was there with Ryan I finally asked the NP why I get so effing emotional the second night after chemo. She was like oh that's the steroid. I'm like um guess I could have asked that sooner too. Daisy, the NP (she's super cool), said oh I'll lower the dosage to help curb that. So, it's been two times that I've had lower steroid dose, interestingly the nausea has crept back in a little the Friday after Wednesday chemo. But hey I'm not bawling my eyes out on Thursday night! Lesser of two evils? Remember how I hate that emotional crap, its exhausting. So I'm going to stick with a little nausea that I can take a pill for. And, really its only a few days of my life in the grand scheme of things. I got this. Plus I tell myself that I'll sweat out the nausea at Power Hour on Fridays. Or I'll puke, but Power Hour kind of pushes the limits of potential pukage anyway!
Neuropathy is one of the major side effects that can happen with this chemo drug. Many times they will stop treatment early because it can potentially be a crippling side effect to deal with after cancer. Sounds like many people start to feel it about mid way point in the treatment. I think I've fared well where this is concerned, so far anyway. Fingers crossed that continues! About 24 hours after my initial treatment this round I had this crazy feeling in my fingers. I was seriously like what is going on, it was like they were numb and hurt. I called the nurse and was like was it because I just had a beer with dinner? For real I sure did ask that. And in my defense, they never said I couldn't drink. Anyway, they recommended some pill called Nerve Renew so ever since I've been taking that. But, after that initial time, I really haven't had neuropathy too bad. I've noticed it comes on in my feet during and after my workout class and when I'm driving. It typically goes away pretty quick, thankfully. I asked Daisy last week and she said since I'm doing a lot of pounding to my feet during workout class that its hard on the nerves. Love her though, she never once said I should stop! Said it just irritates the nerve endings. That I can deal with. And driving, because I'm sitting in the same position it could put a little more pressure on the nerves since I'm sitting. I suppose, since during the day when I work I'm up and down quite a bit. It's interesting because every time I go they ask about the neuropathy and I'm always like well its not bad and it goes away. As I say that, it's been a little more persistent in the last 24 hours. Yes mom, I noted it and will tell them tomorrow! :)
My fingernail beds hurt for a few days after chemo. It is the strangest feeling. Makes it really hard to open a can of beer. Or soda. Now that its been almost a week since my last treatment, they feel pretty good. Trying to think of other side effects, I'm sure there are some! I cannot quite push myself as hard as I use to in workout class. That's frustrating! I hate it actually. But I've gotten stronger and gained back some of the fitness I lost during the first four rounds/appendix fiasco. I'm going with progress since status quo is not enough for me where that's concerned.
I still get emotional too, just not quite like it was when I started. Today I was outside shoveling the drive way and started crying. I'm like WTF, I do like to shovel. Call me weird, but I really do enjoy it. At least when it's not below zero! Back to that crying jag. Sometimes I think I'm just a jumble of emotions, more than I normally would be and it just hits me. And it doesn't always happen at opportune times like today. Oh well, thankfully I have a supportive boyfriend, wing woman, family and friends to unload on. YDFG, right Marilyn?! Have I mentioned I hate the emotional roller coaster? Haha, maybe once or twice. This shit better not be permanent, just sayin.
I think part of the emotion is due to me trying to wrap my brain around this upcoming surgery. It is not scheduled yet, but would guess approximately four weeks after chemo is complete is when its likely to happen. Part of me wants it sooner, but I've got a birthday or two to celebrate in that time frame so I don't really want to be laid out. I was going to use the word fileted, but that didn't seem quite right. Ha! At least I can laugh about it at the moment. Plus, I can use that four weeks to hit all sorts of classes, running and hopefully biking - OUTSIDE! Build up some muscle and endurance before I sit on my rear for a few weeks.
But for real, having part of my body cut out/off, however you want to put it, is a little off setting. I know so many people have gone through it before me and I know I'll get through it, but damn if I really just want to put it in my rear view. I think I'm most scared the effect it will have on my confidence while the reconstruction process is underway. I hate even saying that out loud. Or writing it as the case may be. Not that my boobs are that great - especially since one of them is trying to kill me, but they're mine. Part of me. Ugh, freaks me out to think about it. I'll have another consult with the surgeon and the plastic surgeon in the next few weeks so hopefully I can talk through the process, understand it better and that will set me a little at ease. A girl can hope anyway. Like I said before, some semblance of a plan tends to set me at ease. Just need to have a plan and appropriate expectations going into it and that's probably about as good as I'm going to get with this one.
Chemo is only half this battle and I'm about 3/4 of the way through that. The other half still looms. Well, I'm sure there's probably more than two halves, I'm just don't know it yet. But like Ryan keeps reminding me, bumps in the road. We got this. I got this. IDFG.
I cannot sign off without thanking you all for the encouragement and a few pics from our latest adventure. The chemo accompanists, the offers to accompany me to chemo, the texts, calls, cards, the you're doing great comments, etc. Much appreciated!
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| Captured this shot of Meg who had just worked up the courage to take on the chair lift, so proud of her, she was SCARED! Although she didn't want to ride with her mom..she wanted to ride with Ryan first. Probably a smart move. And she must have been on her knees or something when I took this pic, since she's almost as tall as I am. |
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| Things 1, 2 and 3 riding the lift up together. Good stuff! |
