Today is d day for me, 10/28, the day I received the phone call with my diagnosis. It's really kind of surreal to think about. I remember calling my mom and Ryan and Ryan leaving work to come sit on the couch with me while I cried. And I sure did cry. And then he got me up off the couch and took me out for lunch. Good move on that one DeGroot, a change of scenery did me well that day. As did the beer or two I had with my Drift Inn lunch:).
So here I am one year later, cancer free, having conquered 16 chemo sessions, 4 surgeries, lots of doctor's appointments and still kind of wondering what I am taking away from this whole experience. Maybe it's not clear to me at this point because it's all too fresh?? Undoubtedly, I am confident that I have the most amazing friends and family. And for that I am continually thankful. Thankful doesn't even really begin to describe it. Last Sunday Morgan and I were working on the scrapbook that my friend Lisa started for me, which by the way, is pretty amazing. Well, I saved every single card I received throughout the last year and just had them shoved in the book until I figured out what to do with them. Morgan and I started going through them and I just started tearing right up when I was looking through them. It reminded me that I've been wrapped up in this big virtual hug for the past year. Really, for longer than that, but it really became evident when I needed it most.
Honestly, pretty sure I think about it most when I run. I tend to process a lot of my emotions while I run. A lot. I'll definitely say that six months of no running took it's toll! During workout class I'm just too pooped to think about anything except what's right in front of me and trying to breathe. Running, on the other hand...I'm a thinker. Sometimes I think ok I'm tired and I kind of want to take a walk break but seriously Peggy, what the hell, you ran through cancer and chemo and NOW you feel like you want to take a walk break?? Keep your ass moving. Yes, those thoughts go through my head. Along with the I'm just grateful to be alive and able bodied enough to be running which usually makes me shed a tear or ten. I felt like that before I had cancer and that feeling is even stronger now. I'm just happy that I can run again! And it doesn't suck all the time, sort of like just normal life with running. Normal. I've been cleared to work out now for about four weeks and I am freaking loving it. I was scared to start back up...I think scared because I didn't want it to hurt, I didn't want to hurt anything and I really didn't want to feel like I was starting over from zero. But six months off, yeah, kinda starting from zero. I feel like I've made good strides in the last few weeks so damn if that's not a testament to starting this whole cancer battle in fighting shape and coming out of it on the other end with a little left. I've been feeling stronger and stronger with every work out. I SO missed that feeling of building physical strength. I've got a ways to go, but again, just happy that every step, burpee, pushup, squat, bicep curp, military shoulder press (yeah, that's a new one), whatever it might be, is going to get me there.
Right now I think my take away is that even though I received some shitty news a year ago, I'm proud that I chose to make the best of it. Was it easy? No, not all the time, but then again, easy would be boring, right? Plus there were lots of people reminding me that it wouldn't be easy, but I could do it. And I have so many great memories from this past year, too many to list. It would have been a shame to shut down and close out the world, I would have missed out on so much. Even though it's not over, I would also say that as emotional as it's been, I'm glad I was able to share my journey. To be able to share it lessened the load on me, so thank you.
I'm pretty sure that 10/28/14 is a day that I will never forget...but, today I'm choosing to celebrate. I'm going to celebrate by going to Y fit class and getting my ass kicked. I'm going to celebrate by going out for dinner to the Drift Inn with Ryan and the girls. I'm going to celebrate by letting myself feel all these mixed emotions. I'm going to celebrate by feeling thankful. It's kind of amazing really...cancer or not, I live a charmed life.
